Priorities

Priority:

1. the condition of being prior; antecedence; precedence

2. the right of precedence over others

3. something given specified attention: my first priority

To some priorities get all out of whack! Was a crazy day with rain and sunshine! Must have been God's way of relaying a message.

My youngest had an accident that caused a gash to her head. I'm going to gather that it was about an inch and a half long and about 1/4" wide. How??? Those lovely trampolines! Kids are kids and yes, accidents do occur ... but as a parent must you really be schooled on the need for medical attention? Apparently Ms. Ex does!

Let me keep it as brief as possible. Saturday my youngest had her championship game to be played!

**** I must place the disclaimer that had the kids been with us, I can rest assured this wouldn't have happened **** (I'll explain why later)

3 hours prior to the game Ms. Ex decided to drop my step daughter off at a birthday party. While there she was injured while jumping on a trampoline. (Bobby Pin and another girls chin, top of my stepdaughter's head ... and well gash!!!!!)

I presume that Ms. Ex became aware of this about 2 hours before game time. Ms. Ex didn't seem that it was important to:

A. take daughter to doctor

and/or

B. notify her dad!

Game time comes around and while the girls are introduced Ms. Ex decides to tell my hubby about the injury. Step daughter walks out, we take a gander and yes, still bleeding! Ms. Ex makes a comment .. what am I going to do, she has a softball championship game, (arms thrown to the air she shouts, "priorities"). I gather a deep breath and politely whisper to hub that we should go sit down before I say something completely inappropriate. Ms. Ex overhears my mumble and replies, go ahead, say what you want, I don't care.

As much as I want to banter with her and her white trash nation, I respectfully tell her that she doesn't have enough time in the day to hear all that I have to say to her. As for whether or not she cares .... well, caring is all I have ever asked her to do and she hasn't done that, so why in the HELL would I expect her to start caring now???? She really is clueless!!! She continues to make an embarrassment out of herself and make comments here to there. Nothing ever directly to my face as I believe she lacks the nerve for that. Ms. Ex makes another white trash comment telling hub to keep a leash on his "thing". I believe the "thing" was me and I again with my classy self reminded her directly.. "ugh .. that thing would be wife.. I am his wife!" That felt really good... Need I mention that I don't have a problem directly the comment to her face and not so the entire world can play privy to our personal business.

Was odd that she was there anyway as normally she would not be in attendance because of all the millions of jobs that she works! But for some reason a championship game carries more importance than any other game. Again .. her word "priority".

Game WIN ... we are the champions.... We're now about 5 1/2 hours post head injury. Hub reminds Ms. Ex that daughter needs to go to doctor right then.... Again, Ms. Ex and her fabulous wisdom, "I'm not an idiot, I know what I need to do." Hub states that while there is after game festivities going on, doctor first. "Priority"

Did Ms. Ex take her??? Well of course NOT! 8 hours after injury step daughter finally gets to the doctor and 5 staples to her head! Guess there is a change in her comment.. she meant, I AM AN IDIOT... I knew we misheard her!

**** Why this wouldn't have happened had she been with us!

Earlier in the week hub told Ms. Ex he wanted the kids Saturday night for Father's Day. Ms. Ex, in turn made the kids feel guilty into wanting to come stay with us so they opted to stay with her. (really no big deal) BUT the original plan:

kids with us, we go to game, festivities, and then step daughter can have the night with her party ... i.e. no injury .. but selfish behavior dictates otherwise. PRIORITY

I really am having to take deep breaths... I keep trying to find positive attributes with Ms. Ex .. but yea.. NONE!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but in order for you to receive child support, don't you have to have CUSTODY of your children??? I mean ... if you only have your kids 6 over nights a month ... why would you feel that we need to pay you money? Exactly what purpose is that? That's a story for another day!

Again ... PRIORITY

Changes In Store

I’m happy to report that my kiddos loved their Valentine’s Day surprises! I got a pleasant “Happy V Day” text from my youngest on her way to the bus stop. She is a sweetheart! A couple days ago she asked me to do her a favor and of course I did. I finished and my heart melted when I heard, “oh thank you, I love you”. It’s nice when your children reaffirm their feelings for you.

We are slowly getting back into the swing of things at home. I’m excited because our weekend to have the kids is this weekend; therefore we are looking for fun things to plan out! I’m sure the kids will want one night to go hang with their pals.

Now on to my oldest! My rule with her has always been to allow her to date one grade up. I don’t know how I came up with that rule. I think secretly it allowed me to keep her closer to home. Earlier in the school year she had a crush on a young man two grades ahead of her. Needless to say she and I butted heads about the issue. But as I do most often, I prevailed! (Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner)

I do know that for every victory, there may be a defeat. I thought for certain I’d at least get through one year of high school! Not so much. Lately, I have noticed that my kiddo has been talking fondly about ANOTHER young man! [And yes, even he is two grades up] What is it with these boys? I mean I know I have a knockout daughter with the most tender and loyal heart, but how in the world do I keep her as my baby! At any rate, I was picking her up from school yesterday (Valentine’s Day) and out she walks with a smile from ear to ear and a single red rose with baby’s breath in hand! How adorable is that?? With a deep sigh …… I realized it was time to reevaluate the dating picture for her.

I got home and started making dinner and asked hubby to join me in the kitchen. I really like it when he sits at the bar top and either watches or helps me with cooking. Something very romantic about watching a man dice up onions, tomatoes, celery, etc… or rather see him doing those things. At any rate, he plopped down on the stool and poured me a glass of Moscato.
If ever you need a great glass of wine to pear with virtually any food, I recommend with full thumbs up. I’m not a big drinker of anything; therefore it has to be very sweet! If you prefer sweetness in your wine… This is it and it’s also extremely affordable at about $7 a bottle!

Hub and I began discussing the pros and cons to changing the “dating” rule. While we both had valid points, I think we both agreed change was eminent. Therefore, we had a talk with our oldest and let her know that we had decided to change the dating rules, with NEW dating rules! We agreed to let her start dating this young man under the conditions that there would be NO prom, NO car dating, and I reserved the right to say NO to anything else that came up should I decide to. OH MY! I really need my mom right now …. She would have all the answer! Sigh.. At peace with my decision and am thankful to hub for supporting me and allowing us to be great parents together.

Perfection Is A Myth!

As I was talking yesterday, there comes a point in your life that you have to step back and evaluate your circumstances. You can either choose:

1. To accept your situation
2. Change your situation

I got a phone call today and it took the breath right out of me. I'm emotionally drained with the saga. Rather than have a pity party for myself, I did what I always do best.... I listened.

While I can't please everyone and I can't fix everything, I can listen with the best of the best when it comes to ears. I am a great believer in that you can not help someone unless they are willing to help themselves.

On my way in the neighborhood today, lucky for me, I got to see Ms. Ex leaving with the kiddos for dinner. Of course she'll do the bare minimum of taking them to dinner and then bringing them back. She wouldn't think to help out with practices/events that they have scheduled for the evening, because that would cramp the rest of her evening. (Oh yes... another evening working the 15 million jobs that she holds)

I ask that if anyone is reading this to challenge yourself to just release. Release the need to please everyone, every time. For years, I felt it was my responsibility to make everything perfect. I thought it was my responsibility to make sure Ms. Ex and I had a good relationship because that made the relationship between her and hub better. I thought that I had to play the go between with my In-laws. I thought that I had to go over and beyond to make my kids happy. I thought, I thought, I thought and then like a light bulb, I realized. I DON'T!

God made me beautiful, funny, loving, kind, honest, open minded, blunt and yes... with imperfections. I am not a perfect person and I can't be a perfect person for anyone. I don't have to go overboard and try to maintain a friendship/relationship with Ms. Ex ... after all.. I didn't have these children with her. My hub is fabulous and can fix his own "issues" with her. Life is what we make it and since I feel liberated knowing that I don't have to do it all. I have a wonderful and supportive hub that is willing to carry the burden. I have children that love me even when I'm grouchy. I have family that despite MANY battles has hung true to our roots, and I have the absolute best group of friends that anyone could ever ask for.

We hold the power to make ourselves happy. No one else does. So I challenge you to release the negativity. Release the "all about me" attitude and discover how life changing and rewarding being free from pleasing others can be!

And in the end, God gave you two ears and only one mouth for a reason... pretty simple, don't you think?

"How wonderful is it that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." - Anne Frank

"A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives." - Jackie Robinson

I would love to share a beautiful video with you. I have no ownership over this video at all.JJ Heller is an Absolute Amazing Group!

Accepting Responsibility

It's been said that there are reason things happen. The definitive reason isn't always obvious, but if you search enough, you'll find it.

I have to first remind myself that I can't change anyone. I am only responsible for myself. I can only control myself. I can't make anyone feel a certain way. You must take responsibility for your own feelings. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can enjoy the rewards of life.

You don't have to always be a people pleaser. At some point in time your mental and physical well being are definitely more important. I can't hurt your feelings, you hurt your own feelings. I can't make you cry, you allow yourself to cry. Do see where this isn't about me at all? Blame is constantly wanting to be placed somewhere. Yet at no time does one want to place any blame on themselves.

Accept responsibility, release the anger and move on.

Sundae Sundays

It's the day of the Super Bowl! Hub and the kids are relaxing and enjoying the game and commercials. I look forward to Super Bowl commercials ... they are after all the best of the best, right? Steelers? Packers? Who is going to win? Go Cheese Heads! My step dad was a Packers fan, thus I am rooting for them! Go Pack Go!

I started surfing around the Internet looking for different blogs and such. I did find an interesting one. http://thrumyview.com/myview/ If you have the time ... go read her blog. I forewarn you that she has been at this a great deal longer than I have!

I guess I never really thought people blogged the way they do. It's interesting how much information there is out there to fill your mind with. After reading through some of the articles/blogs on the Internet, I reckon my situation isn't all that uncommon. (thank goodness for the light and the end of the tunnel)

I think from now on Sunday should be called Sundae Sundays ... Who is in? I know my kids will be!

My daughter and I went shopping today ... It's fun just having girl time. She is growing up so fast that one day she isn't going to be mommy's little girl anymore.. Oh who am I kidding.. She'll always be mommy's little girl.

Creating family memories is very important. It's the little things that you do for your family that they remember. All the kiddos are back home this evening. I surprised them and changed their scents in their rooms.... (funny how even my step son likes his room smelling good these days) I would like to praise him a bit right now. (I hope I don't jinx myself) ----- but his room has been clean for almost a week straight now! Now, not a white glove test clean... but TREMENDOUSLY clean for him! So proud of him! Keep up the good work.

We did a grade check in today with the kiddos and all are on track! Awesome! Awesome!

It's nice to have all the kids settled into a routine. They know what to expect from us and we know what to expect from them. We truly are blessed with great kids. They make life simple and fun. NOW .... if we could just work on the WEATHER! It's been horrible out there. How depressing! I was hoping to call this post Sunshine Sunday, but yea.. no.. the sun didn't find us today. Maybe tomorrow? I think I speak for my entire family when I say, SPRING BREAK can't come fast enough!

For now, I'm getting excited about next weekend as hub and I have a date for Valentine's Day! We are going to dine at an elegant restaurant with dear friends of ours. My advice for Valentine's Day though is this... Don't go to a movie! We tried that with the kids and their "dates" a couple years ago and yea.... we got front row, neck pain from looking straight up the entire time! Never mind the fact that you can't really keep an eye on the kids when they are BEHIND YOU!

Need an easy dinner when there isn't much time?

Cheesy Chicken & Rice

Serves 4-6

3 large boneless chicken breasts

2 cups white rice

2 cans cream of chicken soup

4 cups water

Preheat oven to 375. Lightly spay 9x13 pan with cooking spray. Pour rice and water into pan, stir to mix. Place chicken breasts on top of rice. cover with cream of chicken soup. Salt & Pepper to taste. Cook for 40-45 minutes or until chicken no longer pink.

Until next time! Enjoy the great things that life has for us. Don't take anything for granted. Always keep your head up while walking ..... and don't sweat the small stuff. Live with Greatness. Laugh until your stomach hurts and Love Unconditionally.

"A life of love lasts forever." - Leo Buscaglia

Words Worth Sharing

I got some GREAT advice today!!! Just when you need that positive reinforcement. Thought I might share as a way of reminding myself of the bigger picture when needed. Long in short of it, I asked a question in an open forum and the response was:

"I also want to give you “kudos” for your statement that you love being the stepmom but you would prefer that bio mom be “mom” to her child. I am also glad to hear that you have stopped trying to please everyone. Take it from me, it never works. It will be a work in progress for you considering you and your husband have full custody, but it is a very unrealistic idea that you have to be the “be all and do all” for everyone in your unit. It is actually very unfair to you as well. In answer to your question, I would leave you with this…you will never be able to control what bio mom does in her household. Albeit, I don’t know your particular circumstances but I would guess that befriending her child, in her mind, is just an effort to cause conflict at your house. Badmouthing is her way of causing division through your stepchild. Don’t worry about what she thinks about you or your husband. Her truths aren’t your truths. At the end of the day there is a reason why you and your husband have full custody. Your parenting means you just contribute what comes naturally to you. At one time, I was just like you, doing for everyone but myself. My perspective didn’t change until I decided to change my question. Who am I really doing all of this for? Am I really looking out for my stepdaugher or am I doing this in response to my own insecurities? Once I found the answer to my question, my life changed. Keep on practicing what is realistic and don’t put everyone else’s needs before your own. Your emotional, physical and mental health is important."

That's it, isn't it!? I do believe the light bulb has gone off!

My mind is plotting now! I see something bigger here. I see a passion of being able to help other people (step moms specifically).

Calmness in the Storm

Personality problems? Ignorance? I really can't understand where Ms. Ex is coming from sometimes. It boggles my mind that we can't seem to ever support one another. I won't claim to understand all the dynamics of being a step mother, but what I will try to clarify is where I am coming from. I've come to the conclusion that Ms. Ex and I are not going to get along no matter what. Sometimes, step-moms can't win. Sometimes real moms can't win. A lot of times, dad's can't win. I wish she could embrace the reality that there is yet someone else that is feeding positive energy and love into her children. Trust me when I say that no one knows the future. Hub and I have a very positive relationship and there is nothing parting us. If Ms. Ex continues to fill herself with anxiety over the living arrangements for the kids, it will be her that the kids see as negative. But for right now, if you want to be a good mom, you will embrace someone else being good to your kids. The ramifications of being bitter, resentful and jealous will far out way the ramifications of your kids building a relationship with another adult they will be able to confide in when they go through the confusing years of being a teenager. And remember, you are teaching your kids every single day of their life, how to be a grown up. How to be a woman. How to view men. And how to be a mom to her own children.

I am fully aware that Ms. Ex divorced my hub and not her children. But, she knew when making that decision, there was an enormous possibility that he would marry me. (As he did) I am his wife and I expect the same out of him that Ms. Ex did when she was married to him. I wish she could just put herself in my shoes. If she was really interested in EVERYBODY WORKING TOGETHER AS ADULTS, then the first step would be for her to rid herself of her childlike mentality that keeps her believing that everything is about her – it’s not! It is and should continually be about the children. It’s disheartening to always hear Ms. Ex talk about how it’s all about the children, yet all of her complaints are in regards to hub's lack of communication, finances, etc, NOT THE CHILDREN! Ms. Ex seems to think that we want to control her! We want to control where she is living, where she works, etc... Get a clue Ms. Ex.. we don't care about any of that. All we do care about are the children... Perhaps its time she think of them first as well.
Final thought – As a step mom, I have "stepped up". I love my step children as much as if they were my own. They are with me full time. I made a choice to love and care for your children, his children ... their our children. Instead of continually trying to degrade us, try actually working with us to raise healthy, well-adjusted children.

Love my kids!