I got some GREAT advice today!!! Just when you need that positive reinforcement. Thought I might share as a way of reminding myself of the bigger picture when needed. Long in short of it, I asked a question in an open forum and the response was:
"I also want to give you “kudos” for your statement that you love being the stepmom but you would prefer that bio mom be “mom” to her child. I am also glad to hear that you have stopped trying to please everyone. Take it from me, it never works. It will be a work in progress for you considering you and your husband have full custody, but it is a very unrealistic idea that you have to be the “be all and do all” for everyone in your unit. It is actually very unfair to you as well. In answer to your question, I would leave you with this…you will never be able to control what bio mom does in her household. Albeit, I don’t know your particular circumstances but I would guess that befriending her child, in her mind, is just an effort to cause conflict at your house. Badmouthing is her way of causing division through your stepchild. Don’t worry about what she thinks about you or your husband. Her truths aren’t your truths. At the end of the day there is a reason why you and your husband have full custody. Your parenting means you just contribute what comes naturally to you. At one time, I was just like you, doing for everyone but myself. My perspective didn’t change until I decided to change my question. Who am I really doing all of this for? Am I really looking out for my stepdaugher or am I doing this in response to my own insecurities? Once I found the answer to my question, my life changed. Keep on practicing what is realistic and don’t put everyone else’s needs before your own. Your emotional, physical and mental health is important."
That's it, isn't it!? I do believe the light bulb has gone off!
My mind is plotting now! I see something bigger here. I see a passion of being able to help other people (step moms specifically).
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