January 26, 2011

Sigh... It has definitely been trying these last few days. My hopes were that by blogging I would express how I'm feeling and blogging would become my since of therapy. So far so good. While I'm not talking about current events that are going on in my life, I am bringing back the past and moving forward into the future.

It occurred to me that life is so very precious and that many take it for granted. I emailed off my to my Aunt last night letting her know that I started blogging. She has already read the first of many posts to come! Thank you Aunt G! (Love the abbreviations --- she knows who she is).She asked that I add pictures! Ta da!!! I am a listener. I thought the sun rays boasting down onto my post were the best way to start this next post!

I chose this picture because sun rays shining down from the sky are the little simple things we take for granted when someone we love deeply has passed. It is the warmth of the sun on your face, back, shoulders, etc that I feel embraced. This morning just after 6 AM, I lost a dear brother. May the sunshine be shining always upon his remaining brothers and sisters and may his family find comfort in their memories and support from their immediate and extended family. My brother made the ultimate sacrifice. I bleed blue.

Death saddens me as I'm sure it does most. I am reminded at my age (mid 30's) of the loss of my mother, 4 years ago. While she passed away at a young age I know that God had a plan for her as I know God has a plan for my LEO. Our loved ones wish desparately that they could come down and tell us the Why's after a person dies, but if they told us, I truly don't know that we would understand. We will meet them again some day in front of the gates to heaven and reunited for eternity.

I think for today I'll hold off on talking about Ms. Ex in 2010. For today is a day that even she can't take away. While she tried to put herself on a pedestal and send some thoughtful words to hub last night in regards to the loss of our brother, I can't help but wonder why she did it .... How in the world can you tell someone you value them, their job, their sacrafices ----- yet the one thing you can't vaule is that of him as a father! I was saddened last night in the midst of a crying mess and then he read to me the message from her. It takes death for her to recognize?

I still haven't grasped the meaning behind it. Maybe she was sending it out of sympathy? (But how do you sympathize with only a certain portion of a person?) Hub told me not to think on it. I believe his exact words were, "babe, she'll be back to her crying, telling me what ahorrible dad I am self tomorrow". I'm sure he's right.

From a co-worker I miss dearly, "Take care of each other, cuz it's all we got!"