Priorities

Priority:

1. the condition of being prior; antecedence; precedence

2. the right of precedence over others

3. something given specified attention: my first priority

To some priorities get all out of whack! Was a crazy day with rain and sunshine! Must have been God's way of relaying a message.

My youngest had an accident that caused a gash to her head. I'm going to gather that it was about an inch and a half long and about 1/4" wide. How??? Those lovely trampolines! Kids are kids and yes, accidents do occur ... but as a parent must you really be schooled on the need for medical attention? Apparently Ms. Ex does!

Let me keep it as brief as possible. Saturday my youngest had her championship game to be played!

**** I must place the disclaimer that had the kids been with us, I can rest assured this wouldn't have happened **** (I'll explain why later)

3 hours prior to the game Ms. Ex decided to drop my step daughter off at a birthday party. While there she was injured while jumping on a trampoline. (Bobby Pin and another girls chin, top of my stepdaughter's head ... and well gash!!!!!)

I presume that Ms. Ex became aware of this about 2 hours before game time. Ms. Ex didn't seem that it was important to:

A. take daughter to doctor

and/or

B. notify her dad!

Game time comes around and while the girls are introduced Ms. Ex decides to tell my hubby about the injury. Step daughter walks out, we take a gander and yes, still bleeding! Ms. Ex makes a comment .. what am I going to do, she has a softball championship game, (arms thrown to the air she shouts, "priorities"). I gather a deep breath and politely whisper to hub that we should go sit down before I say something completely inappropriate. Ms. Ex overhears my mumble and replies, go ahead, say what you want, I don't care.

As much as I want to banter with her and her white trash nation, I respectfully tell her that she doesn't have enough time in the day to hear all that I have to say to her. As for whether or not she cares .... well, caring is all I have ever asked her to do and she hasn't done that, so why in the HELL would I expect her to start caring now???? She really is clueless!!! She continues to make an embarrassment out of herself and make comments here to there. Nothing ever directly to my face as I believe she lacks the nerve for that. Ms. Ex makes another white trash comment telling hub to keep a leash on his "thing". I believe the "thing" was me and I again with my classy self reminded her directly.. "ugh .. that thing would be wife.. I am his wife!" That felt really good... Need I mention that I don't have a problem directly the comment to her face and not so the entire world can play privy to our personal business.

Was odd that she was there anyway as normally she would not be in attendance because of all the millions of jobs that she works! But for some reason a championship game carries more importance than any other game. Again .. her word "priority".

Game WIN ... we are the champions.... We're now about 5 1/2 hours post head injury. Hub reminds Ms. Ex that daughter needs to go to doctor right then.... Again, Ms. Ex and her fabulous wisdom, "I'm not an idiot, I know what I need to do." Hub states that while there is after game festivities going on, doctor first. "Priority"

Did Ms. Ex take her??? Well of course NOT! 8 hours after injury step daughter finally gets to the doctor and 5 staples to her head! Guess there is a change in her comment.. she meant, I AM AN IDIOT... I knew we misheard her!

**** Why this wouldn't have happened had she been with us!

Earlier in the week hub told Ms. Ex he wanted the kids Saturday night for Father's Day. Ms. Ex, in turn made the kids feel guilty into wanting to come stay with us so they opted to stay with her. (really no big deal) BUT the original plan:

kids with us, we go to game, festivities, and then step daughter can have the night with her party ... i.e. no injury .. but selfish behavior dictates otherwise. PRIORITY

I really am having to take deep breaths... I keep trying to find positive attributes with Ms. Ex .. but yea.. NONE!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but in order for you to receive child support, don't you have to have CUSTODY of your children??? I mean ... if you only have your kids 6 over nights a month ... why would you feel that we need to pay you money? Exactly what purpose is that? That's a story for another day!

Again ... PRIORITY

Changes In Store

I’m happy to report that my kiddos loved their Valentine’s Day surprises! I got a pleasant “Happy V Day” text from my youngest on her way to the bus stop. She is a sweetheart! A couple days ago she asked me to do her a favor and of course I did. I finished and my heart melted when I heard, “oh thank you, I love you”. It’s nice when your children reaffirm their feelings for you.

We are slowly getting back into the swing of things at home. I’m excited because our weekend to have the kids is this weekend; therefore we are looking for fun things to plan out! I’m sure the kids will want one night to go hang with their pals.

Now on to my oldest! My rule with her has always been to allow her to date one grade up. I don’t know how I came up with that rule. I think secretly it allowed me to keep her closer to home. Earlier in the school year she had a crush on a young man two grades ahead of her. Needless to say she and I butted heads about the issue. But as I do most often, I prevailed! (Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner)

I do know that for every victory, there may be a defeat. I thought for certain I’d at least get through one year of high school! Not so much. Lately, I have noticed that my kiddo has been talking fondly about ANOTHER young man! [And yes, even he is two grades up] What is it with these boys? I mean I know I have a knockout daughter with the most tender and loyal heart, but how in the world do I keep her as my baby! At any rate, I was picking her up from school yesterday (Valentine’s Day) and out she walks with a smile from ear to ear and a single red rose with baby’s breath in hand! How adorable is that?? With a deep sigh …… I realized it was time to reevaluate the dating picture for her.

I got home and started making dinner and asked hubby to join me in the kitchen. I really like it when he sits at the bar top and either watches or helps me with cooking. Something very romantic about watching a man dice up onions, tomatoes, celery, etc… or rather see him doing those things. At any rate, he plopped down on the stool and poured me a glass of Moscato.
If ever you need a great glass of wine to pear with virtually any food, I recommend with full thumbs up. I’m not a big drinker of anything; therefore it has to be very sweet! If you prefer sweetness in your wine… This is it and it’s also extremely affordable at about $7 a bottle!

Hub and I began discussing the pros and cons to changing the “dating” rule. While we both had valid points, I think we both agreed change was eminent. Therefore, we had a talk with our oldest and let her know that we had decided to change the dating rules, with NEW dating rules! We agreed to let her start dating this young man under the conditions that there would be NO prom, NO car dating, and I reserved the right to say NO to anything else that came up should I decide to. OH MY! I really need my mom right now …. She would have all the answer! Sigh.. At peace with my decision and am thankful to hub for supporting me and allowing us to be great parents together.

Perfection Is A Myth!

As I was talking yesterday, there comes a point in your life that you have to step back and evaluate your circumstances. You can either choose:

1. To accept your situation
2. Change your situation

I got a phone call today and it took the breath right out of me. I'm emotionally drained with the saga. Rather than have a pity party for myself, I did what I always do best.... I listened.

While I can't please everyone and I can't fix everything, I can listen with the best of the best when it comes to ears. I am a great believer in that you can not help someone unless they are willing to help themselves.

On my way in the neighborhood today, lucky for me, I got to see Ms. Ex leaving with the kiddos for dinner. Of course she'll do the bare minimum of taking them to dinner and then bringing them back. She wouldn't think to help out with practices/events that they have scheduled for the evening, because that would cramp the rest of her evening. (Oh yes... another evening working the 15 million jobs that she holds)

I ask that if anyone is reading this to challenge yourself to just release. Release the need to please everyone, every time. For years, I felt it was my responsibility to make everything perfect. I thought it was my responsibility to make sure Ms. Ex and I had a good relationship because that made the relationship between her and hub better. I thought that I had to play the go between with my In-laws. I thought that I had to go over and beyond to make my kids happy. I thought, I thought, I thought and then like a light bulb, I realized. I DON'T!

God made me beautiful, funny, loving, kind, honest, open minded, blunt and yes... with imperfections. I am not a perfect person and I can't be a perfect person for anyone. I don't have to go overboard and try to maintain a friendship/relationship with Ms. Ex ... after all.. I didn't have these children with her. My hub is fabulous and can fix his own "issues" with her. Life is what we make it and since I feel liberated knowing that I don't have to do it all. I have a wonderful and supportive hub that is willing to carry the burden. I have children that love me even when I'm grouchy. I have family that despite MANY battles has hung true to our roots, and I have the absolute best group of friends that anyone could ever ask for.

We hold the power to make ourselves happy. No one else does. So I challenge you to release the negativity. Release the "all about me" attitude and discover how life changing and rewarding being free from pleasing others can be!

And in the end, God gave you two ears and only one mouth for a reason... pretty simple, don't you think?

"How wonderful is it that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." - Anne Frank

"A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives." - Jackie Robinson

I would love to share a beautiful video with you. I have no ownership over this video at all.JJ Heller is an Absolute Amazing Group!

Accepting Responsibility

It's been said that there are reason things happen. The definitive reason isn't always obvious, but if you search enough, you'll find it.

I have to first remind myself that I can't change anyone. I am only responsible for myself. I can only control myself. I can't make anyone feel a certain way. You must take responsibility for your own feelings. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can enjoy the rewards of life.

You don't have to always be a people pleaser. At some point in time your mental and physical well being are definitely more important. I can't hurt your feelings, you hurt your own feelings. I can't make you cry, you allow yourself to cry. Do see where this isn't about me at all? Blame is constantly wanting to be placed somewhere. Yet at no time does one want to place any blame on themselves.

Accept responsibility, release the anger and move on.

Sundae Sundays

It's the day of the Super Bowl! Hub and the kids are relaxing and enjoying the game and commercials. I look forward to Super Bowl commercials ... they are after all the best of the best, right? Steelers? Packers? Who is going to win? Go Cheese Heads! My step dad was a Packers fan, thus I am rooting for them! Go Pack Go!

I started surfing around the Internet looking for different blogs and such. I did find an interesting one. http://thrumyview.com/myview/ If you have the time ... go read her blog. I forewarn you that she has been at this a great deal longer than I have!

I guess I never really thought people blogged the way they do. It's interesting how much information there is out there to fill your mind with. After reading through some of the articles/blogs on the Internet, I reckon my situation isn't all that uncommon. (thank goodness for the light and the end of the tunnel)

I think from now on Sunday should be called Sundae Sundays ... Who is in? I know my kids will be!

My daughter and I went shopping today ... It's fun just having girl time. She is growing up so fast that one day she isn't going to be mommy's little girl anymore.. Oh who am I kidding.. She'll always be mommy's little girl.

Creating family memories is very important. It's the little things that you do for your family that they remember. All the kiddos are back home this evening. I surprised them and changed their scents in their rooms.... (funny how even my step son likes his room smelling good these days) I would like to praise him a bit right now. (I hope I don't jinx myself) ----- but his room has been clean for almost a week straight now! Now, not a white glove test clean... but TREMENDOUSLY clean for him! So proud of him! Keep up the good work.

We did a grade check in today with the kiddos and all are on track! Awesome! Awesome!

It's nice to have all the kids settled into a routine. They know what to expect from us and we know what to expect from them. We truly are blessed with great kids. They make life simple and fun. NOW .... if we could just work on the WEATHER! It's been horrible out there. How depressing! I was hoping to call this post Sunshine Sunday, but yea.. no.. the sun didn't find us today. Maybe tomorrow? I think I speak for my entire family when I say, SPRING BREAK can't come fast enough!

For now, I'm getting excited about next weekend as hub and I have a date for Valentine's Day! We are going to dine at an elegant restaurant with dear friends of ours. My advice for Valentine's Day though is this... Don't go to a movie! We tried that with the kids and their "dates" a couple years ago and yea.... we got front row, neck pain from looking straight up the entire time! Never mind the fact that you can't really keep an eye on the kids when they are BEHIND YOU!

Need an easy dinner when there isn't much time?

Cheesy Chicken & Rice

Serves 4-6

3 large boneless chicken breasts

2 cups white rice

2 cans cream of chicken soup

4 cups water

Preheat oven to 375. Lightly spay 9x13 pan with cooking spray. Pour rice and water into pan, stir to mix. Place chicken breasts on top of rice. cover with cream of chicken soup. Salt & Pepper to taste. Cook for 40-45 minutes or until chicken no longer pink.

Until next time! Enjoy the great things that life has for us. Don't take anything for granted. Always keep your head up while walking ..... and don't sweat the small stuff. Live with Greatness. Laugh until your stomach hurts and Love Unconditionally.

"A life of love lasts forever." - Leo Buscaglia

Words Worth Sharing

I got some GREAT advice today!!! Just when you need that positive reinforcement. Thought I might share as a way of reminding myself of the bigger picture when needed. Long in short of it, I asked a question in an open forum and the response was:

"I also want to give you “kudos” for your statement that you love being the stepmom but you would prefer that bio mom be “mom” to her child. I am also glad to hear that you have stopped trying to please everyone. Take it from me, it never works. It will be a work in progress for you considering you and your husband have full custody, but it is a very unrealistic idea that you have to be the “be all and do all” for everyone in your unit. It is actually very unfair to you as well. In answer to your question, I would leave you with this…you will never be able to control what bio mom does in her household. Albeit, I don’t know your particular circumstances but I would guess that befriending her child, in her mind, is just an effort to cause conflict at your house. Badmouthing is her way of causing division through your stepchild. Don’t worry about what she thinks about you or your husband. Her truths aren’t your truths. At the end of the day there is a reason why you and your husband have full custody. Your parenting means you just contribute what comes naturally to you. At one time, I was just like you, doing for everyone but myself. My perspective didn’t change until I decided to change my question. Who am I really doing all of this for? Am I really looking out for my stepdaugher or am I doing this in response to my own insecurities? Once I found the answer to my question, my life changed. Keep on practicing what is realistic and don’t put everyone else’s needs before your own. Your emotional, physical and mental health is important."

That's it, isn't it!? I do believe the light bulb has gone off!

My mind is plotting now! I see something bigger here. I see a passion of being able to help other people (step moms specifically).

Calmness in the Storm

Personality problems? Ignorance? I really can't understand where Ms. Ex is coming from sometimes. It boggles my mind that we can't seem to ever support one another. I won't claim to understand all the dynamics of being a step mother, but what I will try to clarify is where I am coming from. I've come to the conclusion that Ms. Ex and I are not going to get along no matter what. Sometimes, step-moms can't win. Sometimes real moms can't win. A lot of times, dad's can't win. I wish she could embrace the reality that there is yet someone else that is feeding positive energy and love into her children. Trust me when I say that no one knows the future. Hub and I have a very positive relationship and there is nothing parting us. If Ms. Ex continues to fill herself with anxiety over the living arrangements for the kids, it will be her that the kids see as negative. But for right now, if you want to be a good mom, you will embrace someone else being good to your kids. The ramifications of being bitter, resentful and jealous will far out way the ramifications of your kids building a relationship with another adult they will be able to confide in when they go through the confusing years of being a teenager. And remember, you are teaching your kids every single day of their life, how to be a grown up. How to be a woman. How to view men. And how to be a mom to her own children.

I am fully aware that Ms. Ex divorced my hub and not her children. But, she knew when making that decision, there was an enormous possibility that he would marry me. (As he did) I am his wife and I expect the same out of him that Ms. Ex did when she was married to him. I wish she could just put herself in my shoes. If she was really interested in EVERYBODY WORKING TOGETHER AS ADULTS, then the first step would be for her to rid herself of her childlike mentality that keeps her believing that everything is about her – it’s not! It is and should continually be about the children. It’s disheartening to always hear Ms. Ex talk about how it’s all about the children, yet all of her complaints are in regards to hub's lack of communication, finances, etc, NOT THE CHILDREN! Ms. Ex seems to think that we want to control her! We want to control where she is living, where she works, etc... Get a clue Ms. Ex.. we don't care about any of that. All we do care about are the children... Perhaps its time she think of them first as well.
Final thought – As a step mom, I have "stepped up". I love my step children as much as if they were my own. They are with me full time. I made a choice to love and care for your children, his children ... their our children. Instead of continually trying to degrade us, try actually working with us to raise healthy, well-adjusted children.

Love my kids!

Truth Be Told

Well, I'm attempting to settle back into a "normal" routine. A taxing day at a funeral that by all means was a celebration of a fabulous life.

Hub and I grabbed lunch with fellow workers and talked about memories we probably haven't touched on in years. It was nice reminiscing. Hub and I came home and continued our conversations. While at lunch Ms. Ex texted hub again to tell him how great she thinks he is and how much she values him.

It is an odd thing that brings up the past. I asked hub if he had any regrets with the way our lives had turned out. He quickly answered, "absolutely not babe, you're the best thing that has ever came into my life!" He did have a puzzled look on his face and asked where I was going with the conversation.

Surrounded by emotions I smiled and said nowhere, just curious. He quickly chuckled and asked if the text from Ms. Ex bothered me. I told him that he knew better, but that I found it odd that she wanted to praise his "work" now twice in one week.

In his sweetest tone and on bended knee he was in front of me and reminded as he does all the time of his love and devotion to me. I always recall his words escaping his lips, "I never knew how good love could be until I found you babe. For so many years I settled for the maybe things will get better one day life."

A few years ago when Ms. Ex and I were friends (can I even call it that???) she had asked me a few questions about hub and I's relationship. (specifically how we met, when feelings started, etc) I felt HORRIBLE and completely INVADED that she would want to know intimate details about our relationship so the sympathetic person that I am, I lied to her. Sometimes you have to tell those little "white lies". Was I supposed to crush her even more than I knew she was? Was I supposed to expose details that I knew when hub became dissatisfied with her? Was I supposed to let her know that almost 10 years of her marriage was nothing but a facade? Oh no! I'm not the bearer of bad news. If she couldn't tell 10 years prior to meeting me when things went horribly wrong, not my place, no thank you. I told her that I felt like hub "settled" for me because she wouldn't take him back and he had no one else to turn to. Truth in fact, I pushed hub back to her. He told her he would come back for the kids only and to continue raising them, but not for any love for her. Ms. Ex at that time said if you're not coming back for me then don't come back. Sooooo Hub didn't go back. He chose me! Truth in fact, we chose each other.

Sometimes I wonder if Ms. Ex ponders the thoughts of what life would have been like had she said come back for the kids. My personal opinion is that hub would have choked on his words and not went back anyway.


I guess I'm finding myself thinking of this conversation because I know the scorned wife card that Ms. Ex plays. Her texts have never bothered me in the past, I reckon they won't start now.


I wonder though if she really knows the true reason why I despise her so much?

Truth be told I despise anyone who doesn't put their children first. Let me make that a little clearer. When, clients, type of work, numerous boyfriends, vacations, inappropriate photos publicly displayed, manicures, pedicures, cosmetic surgery, facebook, (I could go on and on) are priorities before your children .... well then I despise you, and I pity you. I pity that you don't see what wonderful children you have and I pity that they aren't important to you.


Not a problem, for they are truly important to me and in every aspect I put them first. Much love to them tonight, tomorrow and always.

New Year, New Beginnings

January 30, 2011

I believe I have everything up to date with what the heck I have been going through these last few years. Hub and I have definitely had a couple rough patches, but nothing we haven't weathered through. There were a few times I thought for sure our relationship was going to end due to Ms. Ex. I made promises that if anything were to be the demise of my marriage it would have been her. Lucky me she can't break me! Lord knows she gave it her best shot though.

*** At this time I'd like to give a round of applause to Ms. Ex for her dedication and perseverance or lack there of would be a better word ***

I spent the day yesterday with my Godmother and Sister. We met for brunch and played catch up on old times. We laughed, we cried and we ate good food! My sister and I went off to the Home Show that is in town for creative ideas on what the next big project would be at our homes. While there I did run into an old friend. He asked how life had been and then shared a tidbit. I must have "FILL ME IN WITH DETAILS OF MS. EX" written on my forehead. It was mentioned that her pictures on facebook had toned down. Good for her I thought ... and then I was told .... yea she likes to make clever comments under her pictures/posts .. you can tell they are directed at someone. Me perhaps I wondered? Maybe, but yet I know I am not the only person in the world who Ms. Ex has it out for. She often told me about an ex business partner she had. They had been friends for many, many years and had a falling out of some sort. I only heard Ms. Ex's side of the story. Sad to think you're friends with someone for over 15 years and in less than six months you're bad mouthing them. With friends like that, who needs enemies! It was also rumored that her attendance in her classes was dropping for some reason. Hmmm.. maybe her lack of professionalism finally made it out and people are starting to see her for the true person she is? Enough already ...

I woke up this morning feeling ready to start the day and finished the weekend out strong. I started my ritual off at 8:00 AM with a cup of coffee flavored with vanilla carmel! YUM ... Delicious! Sewed on a few patches for hub and I while I caught up on my all time favorite daytime soap opera, General Hospital, and then ventured to the grocery store.

Got home from the grocery store, finished up the laundry and spent some time with my pup. Every other week my lovely pooch gets groomed by me. We started off with a bath, blow dryer for fluff and then the clippers took her down to about a 1 1/2" coat... She's so beautiful!

My daughter asked for some poster board and I told her I would run her to CVS to pick it up before I went off to work for a couple hours. As I was walking out the door, I noticed Ms. Ex was in the driveway with the kiddos for drop off. As I walked out she looked up at me and I'm sure assumed I was hub and said "hi!" very cheerfully! Funny though that her face quickly went sour and she rushed to the back of her vehicle in realization that it was me. I thought of being a smarty pants and offering a hello back .... decided she wasn't worth the effort it would take for me to be nice. Inside I was laughing hysterically. I can hear her with her friends now snickering about it. Sigh... such a relief, that its drop and go.

Hub is working a long day today. (15.5 hours!!) I know he is going to be exhausted. He'll come home, we'll snuggle into bed and like every night he will softly rub my back and shoulders until I fall asleep. He is very good to me. I'd like to think I am just as good to him.

I'd like to finish this post with a video from Rascal Flatts. It's their new song and it is BEAUTIFUL. I think of the loss of my LEO. We will put my LEO brother to final rest on Tuesday, February 1, 2011. February 1 is my mother's birthday. I think that my mother is looking down from heaven and telling me that my LEO is very happy in his new home and that she, my best friend's mother, mamaw, papaw, step dad and all others that I have lost are taking good care of him and protecting his family as well.

January 28, 2011

TGIF!!!

This week has been rather long. A funeral today and then repeat the process again next week. Death in itself is completely complicated.

How was your week? Anything fun happen? Where was I at.... Yes.. Ms. Ex moved to the opposite side of town, still traveling with the 15 hour a way boyfriend and still meeting up with new men and introducing them to the kids... Sigh....

Can I just add here that I know that I have faults. I, by no means claim that I am "super mom" as Ms. Ex refers to me. Before 2010 concluded Ms. Ex told hub she wanted to go back to shared custody. Hub told her no and we haven't heard anything since then. My suspicious self thinks there is something brewing in the pot!

I forgot to mention the latest tidbit that I have been informed about. Apparently, in the world of Facebook Ms. Ex has created a problem for herself. It has probably been about month since I heard this, but it's worth sharing. Who knows if she will ever find my blog to read. Not quite worried about it. Certainly if you are in my circle of the world and know what is going on in my life you will know exactly who I am on this blog. I'm not afraid to admit who I am .... just cautious as Ms. Ex is terribly frightening. (Let's clarify in that I AM NOT AFRAID OF MS. EX) I, unlike herself have more respect for my family then throwing them under the bus with names. Back to the Facebook issue. I wish that I could take credit for what I am about to say, but I can't.... (secretly though I think if Ms. Ex asked if I did what I'm about to say, I would contemplate taking full credit) I give two thumbs up to whomever did it. To you.. I say THANK YOU!

Ms. Ex and I aren't friends on Facebook. We used to be, but after confronting her with the pornographic photos sent to my brother and telling her she was not welcome in my home any longer well.... she de-friend me! Shocker! At any rate, apparently Ms. Ex put some "nude" photos on her Facebook page and someone called her employer and told them about it. After all this is said and done I am the one getting blamed for calling her employer! HA! (Can I take credit??? I Soooooo want to) I wish I could, truly. I find it disturbing that Ms. Ex is more concerned that I called rather than, uh, I don't know, maybe they shouldn't have been posted at all? About a week ago a friend of mine actually gave me a copy of the photos!

I was shocked to see that they were the same photos that were sent to my brother. Seriously? What the heck is she thinking? I think she forgot that the two of us still have a couple mutual friends .... thank you friend for the information. But still to this day, I am the person responsible for whatever happened to her. I also forgot to mention that I am one of the cheerleaders wanting her to have a job! Of course her part time job that she has right now isn't a job, but at least it's something! I would rather her have something than nothing! And for the more hard core, blunt, really don't care if I hurt feelings point of view... I'm already married to hub, we have full custody of the kids ... what more could I possibly want? Well... I tell ya, there is something that I want ... I want her to quit being so damn frigid and be a freaking mom! Not a friend to her kids, but a MOM! You want to talk private things, intimate things with your kids? Fine! Can you at least not traumatize their childhood and wait until they are adults to better assess the situation?

Alright, Alright.. It's Friday.. I'm a step mom and I'm happy as a clam!

January 27, 2011

Hello Hello! Back into the midst of catching us up to speed. 2010 started off wonderful for us. We had full custody of the kids and were getting everyone back on track. Before I go too far into 2010, let me bring up Christmas 2009. Seems that Ms. Ex wasn't feeling very festive and didn't think she could give the kids the Christmas Spirit that they needed so she decided to go 15 hours away to be with boyfriend and celebrate Christmas with him. She would return .... I think it was 3 days after Christmas.. Not exactly sure, but it brings me to the next point.

With us having full custody, Ms. Ex was entitled to 3 weekends of the month (Friday & Saturday night and then return to us on Sunday) First go round into the weekends and Ms. Ex asks if we can keep the kids because she needed some alone time.... Ok.. you were just gone for a week and now you're supposed to have them ..... and you need alone time? I didn't quite grasp the concept, but oh well, I never did then and I won't now.

In the beginning of 2010 after school was out Ms. Ex would come over to my home and hang out with the kids..... EVERY DAY! Come on now! Seriously! She technically wasn't coming over to "hang" with the kids, but rather waste time. She found herself living about 45 minutes from our home and her fitness teaching "jobs" were near our home. Didn't make sense for her to drive all the way home to drive all the way back to our side of town. Other than the fact that this is MY SPACE you are invading! That lasted about a week and hub told her no more hanging out with the kids! I might even add that she wanted to come in the mornings too and hang out till the bus came. Last I checked you couldn't "raise" your kids right now and gave them to us to do it..... why are you hanging out at our place? Ms. Ex quickly realized that only having the kids 6 overnights a month was quickly becoming frustrating. She didn't have adequate housing arrangements for them where she was at and the reality was probably sinking in. Ms. Ex began picking the kids up for dinner one night during the week that was set and established. She'd pick them up and have dinner with them and then bring them home.

In the midst of all of this Ms. Ex is now flying to see boyfriend 15 hours away at minimum once a month. Now we aren't exactly sure ... and rightfully not our business, but Ms. Ex claimed that boyfriend was footing the plane tickets for her. Great!!!! You got yourself a sugar daddy! (Problem.... you claim you can't split the cost of the things the kids need, you have no money to pay the bills you have, you can't afford to get a place of your own) YET... you travel away once a month which means you aren't doing your "fitness instructor" jobs ----thus you aren't getting PAID from anyone! So in fact what little money you do make you're not making. Afterall, in the fitness world you get paid for what you do.. not what you don't do.

I find myself remembering how this particular fitness that she is teaching got started anyway... OH yea!!! ME... Back in my not so smart, own a fitness studio days with her, I paid for her certification! Why???? Because I was just that nice! And here we are 2010 and she's teaching classes on my dime actually, because I paid for the certification... (But yes..yes.. certifications do expire ... and yes, yes .. now she's teaching on EXPIRED certification!) Liability, Liability, Liability.

Off my soap box on that one. We carry on and grades come home from school! For the FIRST time since the divorce of Ms. Ex and hub... my "step" son has ALL passing grades!!! Not just passing, but NOTHING below a C! This is BIG news, GREAT news!

Summer break and Ms. Ex has the kids here and there. Nothing too long term as that would cramp the style of her "instructing." Many of baseball and softball games that Ms. Ex missed for the opportunity of either a date from some new suitor ... or yes.. instructing from those 15 million jobs she holds! I bring up new suitor(s) because that is an entire new topic to discuss.

Since the final of the divorce Ms. Ex has been in "relationships" with 6 men??? (I've lost tracke) I say "relationships" lightly. I am of the belief that you don't bring anyone home to meet your children unless you know that there is potential of a long term relationship. Otherwise, why have your kids meet person after person after person. Now.. I hear ya... well maybe their just friends.... True, possibility.. But when Ms. Ex is confiding in her daughter.. (who by the way isn't even in her teen years) about how much she likes this man and that man. How this man treats me this way and that man takes me to this place .... and well ------------------------------------------------------>

OK.. so back to school now in 2010 ... kids are doing great! Step son is not only improved his grades... He's on the honor roll!!!! Can I get a woot woot!

Events transpire leaving Ms. Ex homeless yet again and she is left to find another place to live. She has taken on a part time position with benefits.. This is a good thing.. BUT bad thing in that while she gets 30-35 hours a week.. the pay is less than adequate and she only gets paid during the school year and when school is in session.. Sooo.. Spring Break, NO PAY, Winter Break, NO PAY .. Holiday, NO PAY, Summer Break, NO Pay --- you following me here?

On a positive the "job" is in the area where we live, so that's great! Now all she has to do is get a place to live down around her job! Yea.. NO... She opted to get a 2 bedroom ---- 40 minutes across town! Again.. her choice. But the agreement was. Get job, move back to the area where the kids are going to school and shared custody could be discussed again!

Who doesn't do that? Ms. Ex is who!

Think I'll stop for now.. as we're getting into the more current events and I'll get that going tomorrow... Will be OK. though because then I'll be more current and instead of dating the posts, maybe I'll come up with some quirky titles?? Suggestions???

January 26, 2011

Sigh... It has definitely been trying these last few days. My hopes were that by blogging I would express how I'm feeling and blogging would become my since of therapy. So far so good. While I'm not talking about current events that are going on in my life, I am bringing back the past and moving forward into the future.

It occurred to me that life is so very precious and that many take it for granted. I emailed off my to my Aunt last night letting her know that I started blogging. She has already read the first of many posts to come! Thank you Aunt G! (Love the abbreviations --- she knows who she is).She asked that I add pictures! Ta da!!! I am a listener. I thought the sun rays boasting down onto my post were the best way to start this next post!

I chose this picture because sun rays shining down from the sky are the little simple things we take for granted when someone we love deeply has passed. It is the warmth of the sun on your face, back, shoulders, etc that I feel embraced. This morning just after 6 AM, I lost a dear brother. May the sunshine be shining always upon his remaining brothers and sisters and may his family find comfort in their memories and support from their immediate and extended family. My brother made the ultimate sacrifice. I bleed blue.

Death saddens me as I'm sure it does most. I am reminded at my age (mid 30's) of the loss of my mother, 4 years ago. While she passed away at a young age I know that God had a plan for her as I know God has a plan for my LEO. Our loved ones wish desparately that they could come down and tell us the Why's after a person dies, but if they told us, I truly don't know that we would understand. We will meet them again some day in front of the gates to heaven and reunited for eternity.

I think for today I'll hold off on talking about Ms. Ex in 2010. For today is a day that even she can't take away. While she tried to put herself on a pedestal and send some thoughtful words to hub last night in regards to the loss of our brother, I can't help but wonder why she did it .... How in the world can you tell someone you value them, their job, their sacrafices ----- yet the one thing you can't vaule is that of him as a father! I was saddened last night in the midst of a crying mess and then he read to me the message from her. It takes death for her to recognize?

I still haven't grasped the meaning behind it. Maybe she was sending it out of sympathy? (But how do you sympathize with only a certain portion of a person?) Hub told me not to think on it. I believe his exact words were, "babe, she'll be back to her crying, telling me what ahorrible dad I am self tomorrow". I'm sure he's right.

From a co-worker I miss dearly, "Take care of each other, cuz it's all we got!"

January 25, 2011

What a day it has been! I reckon in the next few days I will catch us up to the current modern day life and it won't feel as if I am starring in my own episode of "Back to the Future".

The fitness studio was a joke and I walked away in the red a little over 6K. I couldn't even imagine suing her as she was the mother of my step kids. Seriously? No, not an option. I cut my losses and moved on. I noticed early in 2008 and the support payments going to null that her responsibility as a parent was starting to slack.

She had yet to find steady/gainful employment and that meant teaching odd jobs here and there to try and make ends meet. The problem with the fitness industry is that you accommodate your clients schedule more so than you do your own. As a single mother you can't really accommodate your clients before your children, but Ms. Ex did. She would express her desire to want to find a full time job, but then would express her sorrow for her clients and the feelings of letting them down. I would try to explain that the kids come first and your clients should know that. Again, I was barking and there was obviously no sound registering.

The frequency of her lack of involvement began to drain me. I could see how much her kids loved her and how much they just wanted to please her. Her days to have the kids and she wouldn't be able to pick them up from the practice, or she couldn't take them to a practice or she couldn't make it to a game. It became rather exhausting. Hub finally had a break through and decided that he wasn't going to be the local stop and drop for the kids.

By this time, Ms. Ex had decided to move to an apartment that was still within the same school district that we lived in. It seemed to be working great, until there were many nights when the kids were home alone while she was out late working her teaching job. She would make comments that she worked 2, 3 and 4 jobs to make ends meet. I'm sorry, but doesn't a job constitute an 8 hour work day with 40 hours put in or more? That's full time right? If you teach 2 classes a night and that takes 2 hours and you do that at 4 different locations, you don't have 4 jobs! (Come on now!)

Back to hub.. Hub decided that on the nights that we didn't have the kids she needed to be responsible in doing the needs that were needed. That meant ... after school is out the kids need to come home to you. If they have practice, you need to figure it out. After all, we were doing that on our time. Shouldn't she? Again, she thought this was a controlling issue. And again, I reiterate, uh no... just be a parent, that's all. It's your time with your kids, do your thing. It's not like she didn't know 6 months in advance what nights she was gong to have her kids!

2008 ends and her lease is up on her apartment and Ms. Ex informs us that she is going to move in with her boyfriend. Not a problem, you're relationship is progressing, by all means, go. Downside, new boyfriend lived 30 minutes from the school district and she wanted us to do everything again. She wanted to wake the kids up early, drop them off at our house, have us get them on the bus. Have the kids come home to us and when she was done teaching, 6, 7, 8 o'clock at night she'd come pick them up... Being sympathetic and wanting the kids to have everything they needed again, we agreed to do this for us. (Let me add a side note that Ms. Ex, boyfriend, son, daughter were living in a 2 bedroom condo --- son was left to the couch as his bed)

2009 comes to a close and Ms. Ex's boyfriend decides he's going to move 15 hours away! Oh no! This puts Ms. Ex in big predicament as she still has no full time employment (since 2005) and the condo she was living in was definitely out of her means to maintain. So.... on her own free will and probably the best thing for her children that she ever did, she gave us full custody. We were elated with happiness! Ms. Ex just wanted to have a verbal agreement on the situation and hub said no, he wanted it legit through the courts. He told Ms. Ex as soon as you get a full time job and a place to live back here in the school district we will consider going back to the way things were. I didn't think that was too much to ask.
1. Get a full time job
2. Get a place to live in the school district with the kids so that on the days she is supposed to have the kids, she has the kids. (Not using and abusing hub for your convenience)
3. Ms. Ex, didn't have to pay ANY child support. (couldn't really as she didn't have J_O_B)

About this time Christmas is coming 2009. The kids were on winter break from school and I was playing around on a laptop that we had gotten my step son. Not to get to graphic, but I went onto the yahoo home page and saw that the email was still signed in. Being nosy mom, keeping tabs on kids to keep them squared away (snooping perhaps, but I did buy the computer) I looked in on the email. The sent file immediately came up and in the TO line I noticed my brother's email address. Five minutes later I noticed TO line was to Ms. Ex's boyfriend 15 hours away. I was puzzled... Why would my step son be emailing my brother. Didn't quite compile, so I clicked on it and OH MY GOODNESS!

I quickly realized I was in Ms. Ex's email!!!! HOLY CRAP! Yes... and to my disbelief, Ms. Ex had emailed my brother pornographic photos of herself! Now, again, to each their own! But hello, you used your son's computer to do this. You didn't log yourself out and you sent them to the man they call UNCLE! I was completely disgusted.

A few short minutes later, I noticed the email sent to boyfriend 15 hours away contained the EXACT same photos that were sent five minutes earlier to my brother! Still in shock I logged her off as I didn't want my step son finding that information. (Did I mention that I too had to delete them from the hard drive as she had them saved there as well) I still to this day don't know if my step son saw them. My prayers are please no, but I haven't asked and haven't a clue how to, and won't be.

I confronted Ms. Ex about what I found and her words were sorry about not logging off, can you do that for me? HELLO! I already logged you off, but all you're sorry about is that? I contemplated sending something to the boyfriend 15 hours away, but my secret hope was that she would move there and I didn't want to ruin those chances.

Getting pretty good now as we're starting 2010.... Oh we're almost there. Am I crazy? Am I missing something? Friends would come and talk how she bad mouths me these days, but really --- be jealous, it's OK.

Keeping it Simple, Keeping it Light ... See you tomorrow!

January 24, 2011

I reckon going back as far as I can will allow for a better understanding of my situation.

I know there are those that will judge me and again, please remember I'm not looking for your judgement. (I'm pretty good at doing that myself) Until you are in the shoes I wear, please don't believe you know what is happening. Those who judge the cup 1/2 full never had their eyes open to begin with. And until you are in the shoes I wear, you truly never know how you will respond.

We met while I was working third shift. He at the time had been married for 14 .. maybe 15 years, not quite certain. I, myself had been married a little over a year to a man 22 years my senior. (Another blog time I'm sure as to the extent of that marriage) Long in short of it, my exhusband decided that there were more important things in his life than myself. Perhaps I should have known that when I married in for my first marriage as wife number 4!!!

My husband who from here on our will be referred to as "hub" and I quickly became friends and something just clicked. Nothing romantic was involved with us. We were great friends, sharing secrets, goals and life's desires. I'm honest when I say there wasn't something romantic going on with us. Had he been a woman, I'm sure no one would have seen a problem with our "relationship". As most relationships go, we began confiding in each other issues that were happening. He had been emotionally disconnected from his marriage for over 5 years, yet was staying for the sake of his children. He admitted that he often worked more hours than needed because he didn't want to be at home with Ms. Ex. Long and short of it, hub and I talked as "friends" for a little over a year and a half. Of course the cell phone bills would have dictated something different, but honestly, it was platonic. Sure there may have been flirting here and there, but I believe hub knew things were different with me as I wasn't the typical woman you meet and have a one night stand with that he might have been used to.

Cell phone bill later and Ms. Ex asked hub to leave the home. It was at that point that our relationship took a different turn. I had already moved out from my ex's place and was in the process of dissolving that relationship. I believe we were both at a point that if you are going to accuse us of doing something, well .... we might as well just do something... and thus; six years later, here I am ... happily married to my prince charming. The first couple years after his divorce was final Ms. Ex and I really didn't get a long. I can't imagine why, afterall, she hadn't held a legit job for the last 17 years and her bread winner was gone. It was frustrating watching the $1200+ support payment go out each month knowing the children were with us over 75% of the time and her role as a mother was not being pursued.

After having calculated everything that first year, we had, had the children 268 overnights out of the 365, on top of the $1200+ in support going out. We went back to court and proved that we had joint custody. At the time the courts agreed that hub shouldn't pay anything in support, but the "good" guy that he is, he offered $175 a week for six months. Giving Ms. Ex time to find a job. The timeline would prove still at a dead end road.

Time line ---- divorce final in 2005, 2007 we get shared custody - $175 weekly, 2008, $125 - weekly, 2009 - (6 months no support), 2010 - full custody, no support!

2005 - through the end of 2006 was very tiring for myself. The kids had been with us 75% of the time and as a mom myself it was breaking my heart that their own mother wasn't really around. Just seemed that all she wanted was the support money coming in. While proving joint custody we learned a few extracurricular activities that Ms. Ex was involved with with her then boyfriend. I would refer to him as gentleman, but he is the epitomy of using women. It was then that I realized Ms. Ex had very low self esteem issues and that he played on those emotions. I wasn't in a position to say anything, but the children had expressed a disdain in the man. Children see more than we will ever admit, and for a child to come forward and say they aren't liking someone for "creepy" reasons ... you would think one might look deeper into the issue. While I can't confirm anything, I can confirm that an email reached me one day advising me to check out a certain "adult" website. I clicked on the link and low and behold there was Ms. Ex, face and all will the world to look at her ..... burlesque style? (is that the polite way) I was thrown back that I was able to access this so easily. Don't get me wrong, please whatever your desires in your bedroom, go for it .... but do you have to display it to the world wide web with your face attached to it???? Maybe I'm just too modest.... Maybe I was sickened to think that the information was right there for any and all to see, including the kids. Deep breath... Polite confrontation and yea well she thought we were just trying to be controlling of what she does. Quite frankly, that was the least of my concerns. Two little voices into my now blended family have been and will continue to be the only thing that mattered to me.

(On a side note -- her then part time profession was that of the public eye and role model to children)

Something must have transpired in Ms. Ex because shortly after the confrontation the relationship she was in ended and she moved back to the area in which the kids were living with us.

Around 2006, Ms. Ex and I took a turn for the better. I mean way better! I nominated her for a woman of the year award! I truly believed she had been through a tough battle and was turning her life in the right direction. I felt she was worthy of inspiration to other single mothers. (Perhaps, I over stepped that thought about a million feet!)

January 2007, Ms. Ex and I ventured into business together. Yes, I hear you.. I opened a fitness studio with her? Perhaps, in the back of my mind I was feeling sorry for her. She hadn't held a real job her entire life and now here she was mid 40's, two kids and really nothing to show for it. While the fitness studio was not something I did full time, as a recreational fun job it was great. I was hoping that would prove to be the choice of Ms. Ex too, but again... it did not.

Financing the studio was bit of a headache. Ms. Ex didn't have any resources and I did. With the gracious help of my uncle we were able to fund the opening and resources that were needed. I advised I would cover the first couple months rent to allow her time to get on her feet. Almost six months into the business, Ms. Ex went on vacation and while out of town, drained the business account funds stating she didn't have any money and that she would replace it upon returning. Whether or not she ever replaced it, I really don't know. I would linger to the negative side of it. About month number 9 I was really getting frustrated with Ms. Ex. I was keeping track of the books at the business and according to the paper records there should have been well over $2800 in our account. A check of the balance showed about a little over two dollars! I asked where the money was at and Ms. Ex stated she hadn't a clue. Well, I knew that she and I were the only two to have access to the account and I didn't have it! Have I mentioned that I had avoided paying myself for the 3 months prior to allow her money to pay for her own living expenses? (cell phone, cable, rent, license plates) Light bulb finally went off and I decided that being in business with Ms. Ex was not a good business decision on my end.

Perhaps it was done on purpose... Drain me of about $6,000 and I have enough since to walk away. Maybe I deserved it? After all, at the time I was engaged to her ex husband. We used to joke that we would be a great Lifetime movie. Seriously, our friendship, unless I was completely oblivious to the situation had blossomed. She would call me during the evenings to discuss her current boyfriend "problems", gossip from other places she would teach at, advice on the kids. It was a friendship. We would shop together, borrow each other's clothing .. it was odd. Friends would tease us that she would be moving in with us and renting a room from us before we knew it. Ironically, the thought had crossed my mind. I believed at that time had we met under different circumstances we would have been great, life long friends....

I'm usually a great judge of character..... oh was I wrong on this one... This is just 2008 starting now .... and well the drama is only beginning.

Keeping it simple, Keeping it light.... See your tomorrow.

January 23, 2011

Is blogging a since of relief? Is there satisfaction in knowing that there are people out there reading your every word? Hanging on till the next post to know what the world might see?

I started blogging a little over 2 years ago, but deleted them before allowing them to be published. At the time, I didn't think it appropriate for me to vent to the world wide web.

I still don't know if I want the entire world reading my life, but who really knows what is truth and what is fiction? I recall as a young girl writing stories with my spelling words. "The Mystery Train" I called it. Written about murder and chaos, the train ride was always eventful. I'm a woman with an energy and passion to express what is transpiring. I shoot straight from the hip with my expressions and nine times out of ten, I lack the tact that is needed in delivering my opinion. I don't know where I got my bluntness from, perhaps my older sister? My mother, lovely woman that she was, wasn't one to hurt people's feelings. She really had to be pushed to a point to say her opinion. Yet, hell hath no fury like my mother in a zone!

I've been married for three years now to a wonderful man. While our "relationship" isn't the ideal meeting and romantic story one hopes for, it is slowly developing. Some may call me a homewrecker, some might call me a child savior, for whatever you want to think of me, with my lack of tactfulness, I don't really care. I have plenty of friends and people who love me. I have always been one to say, "If you don't like me, your loss". I'm a genuine person and with that I am always by your side when other's walk away. I am the friend you tell your secrets too that you don't want anyone else to know. I am the shoulder you cry on when things aren't going your way. I am the laughter in the room that makes everything see simple. But yet, if you choose to judge me before knowing me, you've never really known me at all ----- and as I would say, your loss .. I can't imagine me losing sleep over it.

I am a mother to a 15 year old daughter who is the ultimate love, joy and passion of my life. I am also a step mother to a 14 year old son and 12 year old daughter. Parenting is very frustrating at times. However, I would have to say that dealing with the "ex"" is even more challenging. My daugther's dad and I have come a long way. We communicate now better than we have in years. I would attribute all of that to his most patient new wife. I can honestly say that had it not been for her there may have been many more years of frustration with him. I think part of me was hurting for my daughter and that part of me held resentment with her father. Perhaps that is another blog all in itself.

Frustration doesn't quite master the feelings that I experience with my husband's ex. For purposes of identification I'll call her "Ms. Ex". At the present time, I can't think of a polite name to refer to her by so this will have to do. I go out of my way to ensure that I don't have to be around her these days and well even that gets tiring. I reckon I'll end there.... I'll pick up tomorrow with a background of me and Ms. Ex. It's truly an amazing story once I get it out there....

My posts will be simple, they will be direct. If you have a question, please ask it. If you have a comment, please post it. If there is a topic you'd like for me to cover, mention it.